My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
