but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
