I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
