we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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