the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
