What did we do last night that was yellow?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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