Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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