I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
