I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
being pregnant is like rehab
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
