there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
