the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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