I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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