..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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