i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
