bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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