I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
