I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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