you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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