When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
