M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
