Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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