my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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