When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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