I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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