if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just had sex bonerless
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
