hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
