Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
