i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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