you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
