there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
