she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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