i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
