It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
