i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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