i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
