did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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