i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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