my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?