If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
