If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.