My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.