at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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