You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
