The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
