Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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