Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
