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Screwed.edu
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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