ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm jealous of your bromance
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
