this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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