remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
