HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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