Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
