I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
