Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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