apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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