I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
