Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize