question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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