Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
