been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
