My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
