You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
