i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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