I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
