Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
