I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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