so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
