people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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