i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
