Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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