just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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